My headphones,

One of the greats. Jose Feliciano.

Relax Tati, it's really ok. Really.

So you just had two test on Biology,and you don't think you did altogether spectacular on them. It's ok. So you feel like you not only failed yourself, but you also failed Dr. Baines who seems to like you. Maybe even admired how hard you tried. BLAH!

So you just want to read, but just as long as it has nothing to do with your text book. You just want to read anything Murakami has ever written. So you identify with Mari Asai too much. (Yes, I found myself relating to her the most because like me she seems to have a lonely disposition.)

So you don't have anyone to talk to at the moment, except your cat and the dog. I hate this ugly habit of mine. Ugh. Sometimes I really disgust myself.

I've managed to do it again. I set out into a new situation, and right away I notice myself distancing myself from everyone. Why? Because I know its not going to last so why even bother trying to make bonds with anyone. Why? I hate having to begin something, getting used to it, and then having it all being pulled out from under my feet.

Loneliness. The human condition. Might as well get used to it, right?

I can't explain the current change I'm undergoing, but I do notice a change in myself. I've somehow changed radically all in the course of one month.

I blame all of this on the fact that I think I just failed my two tests. Blah.

A "B" for Biology that is!

Well the test results are in. My professor for Biology is this bright young chap from Bristol, England. Isn't that smashing good fun!? I'm very tempted to write the famous words that this one brilliant young Englishman once asked, "Cake or Death?" I wonder if he would give me bonus points for that? Anyways, rumors say that he is the "hardest" teacher on the STC campus, and you know what I say to that, "Rubbish!" I think the man is quite a hard ass, but to tell you the truth he is very passionate about his subject which in turn makes me passionate about the subject. This coming from the person that once said  biology was the most dull of all the sciences. (I prefer the hard sciences astronomy, physics, and yes even chemistry.)

Anyways, Dr. Baines is his name, and I often times wonder what brought him all the way to the Valley. I wonder what he thinks of it? Yet again, I wonder how much STC is paying him. Hmm.. He is more or less polite, but very strict. He has this "Turn off your cellphones" policy for the class, meaning that every time someones cellphone goes off during lecture he will give a quiz to everyone. Which he did, yesterday. Oh man, was the class pissed. This girls cellphone went off yesterday, and one of the guys there was especially pissed off I really thought he was going to kick her ass after class or something. I was a little worried for her.

We had our first exam this past Monday, and it was a little involved, and by that I mean it was 27 open-ended and short-answer questions a little much for the hour he gave us. He plainly stated, "I give these tests so that you won't get a high grade." I have to admit that is giving me the drive to study my little heart out to prove him wrong. I want an "A" a high one. It's my goal damn it. This Biology subject is getting a little interesting for me, and thats awesome.

------------------------------------------------------Interlude------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm currently reading "After Dark" by Haruki Murakami, and it's pretty awesome so far. It has a good start so far. The first scene had me hooked. I really like how Murakami takes this omnipotent tone throughout the whole book like he's some sort of God watching this world but by no means meddling it (Sounds a little Deist to me). It' kind of  scary actually. I like the chat Mari has with Tetsuya at the beginning of the book about the story of the three brothers. Anyways, I feel like its happening to me. Thats actually my philosophy in life actually. I'm so curious about life and everything in it that I want to know and more, and my travels in Cottey and UNT have given me so much to learn about, but it's also been quite the lonely quest. In the midst of trying to quench my thirst for knowledge I've become very lonely. Theres very little people who share the same interests you do, you know? Maybe you don't.

Well, this is an official update. Needless to say, I am still alive and fighting for a better tomorrow. I start my first summer session at STC tomorrow, and I'll be taking Biology for the summer. (Here goes nothing.) I don't know about biology...hopefully this professor is able to get through to me. I haven't taken a science course since Physics in Cottey.

I have been on a serious job, and I think I've applied to at least 10+ places maybe. Geeze, my confidence level is a little down, but hey somethings aren't met to work out for you in the long run.

I have lots to say about today, and what's being going on, but that would be reserved for a later blog, but right now I'm feeling very zen.

Check this website out:
We Feel Fine

Read More about it Here:
The Universe of Search

I hope you enjoy. I thought this was really neat when I first found out about it. Let me know what you think.
Muffins.

Let's see where to start. I really hate to do this to my Vox but I'm going to have to anyway. I've recently returned to the Valley, and this use to represent my only solace in the world, and the only place where I could seeks some sort of sanity from the academic life I've chosen to live. This time it has cease to be any of the above, and now it has become a haven of woes and negativity. I hate it here, and it's going to consume my very soul. I haven't been able to fully explain any of this to any of my friends because theres no way I can actually speak about this. I just need to write it down.

My mother will soon be the death of my. You know I truly have nothing but respect for her because she's such a hardworking and self-sufficient woman, but as much as I love her, I loath her just as much. We do nothing but fight and bicker amongst each other. For instance, the other day I was getting some of my paperwork process done so I could take some summer classes in order to graduate on time. In order to avoid any problems with her, I type out my letters, faxed one of them, and got in touch with Cottey over the phone so I could send the other by mail. Everything was going just fine, and all that Cottey's answering machine said was to send $5.00 in cash or check by mail. As we were sitting on the table I told my mother to give me $5.00 thats it thats all I asked for. She gave me this piercing frown that was unbelievable and right assumed that I was lying or that I had somehow misunderstood. No, I'm not lying, and I know what it is I fucking heard. Jesus Christ I'm not an imbecile. I am a human being! Gah! We got into this huge argument.

SHIT the library is closing I need to find another place to seek refuge!

Yes, yes I do.

The Unique Thelonious Monk

Thelonious Monk

Ken Burns JAZZ Collection: Duke Ellington

Duke Ellington

My man, Duke Ellington.

Yes, I have rediscovered my love for Jazz. I use to listen to Miles Davis, Louis Armstrong, and Billie Holiday stuff when I was in high school, and I let it go by the way side when I went to college. It wasn't until one of my friends reintroduced me to jazz that I remembered how much I loved it. I may not understand many of the harmonics or rhythms but I do love the way it makes me feel. Good.

Because I have five finals next week I have allowed myself to make a splurge on zee following.

Ciaociao

Pride of Baghdad

Brian K. Vaughan

    Tomorrow I'll be turning the big 2-1. I'm not as excited about it this year, and I can't really tell you why. I'm not really into big parties or anything, and I much rather prefer going to parties for other friends as opposed to going to one thats meant for me. Hopefully not a lot of people will remember. *Fingers crossed* This Birthday I'd rather spend it with close friends, dragon sushi, and the warm feeling of green apple flavored Sake going down my belly. Yum. I think part of the reasons why I'm not all to excited about tomorrow is because I've been thinking and worrying a lot mostly about my future and my present status.

I'm really scared about the future, and I don't know what I want to do. [We interrupt this blog to bring you a short series of Freak outs.]

• Should I stay here for an extra semester and attain two Bachelors degree here in Denton, or should I graduate, go back home, and get a job while going to school simultaneously. I don't know.
• Do I want to go back home? Would I rather live in Dallas or in Houston where my chances at getting a job in a company could be better?
• Do I want to stay here in Denton, and get certified to teach Spanish while trying to get a Masters in Spanish?
• Would I rather drop everything I know and love, and go to Japan with Erin, and teach little Japanese kids about the Engrish A,B,C's?
  
• Do I want to try and apply for a job with the State Department, and get assigned to who knows where, and also get tossed into a series of unprecedented events.
  

I promise I'll write a happier blog tomorrow. =)

I've been reading a lot of comics lately. Mostly because my friend Jarrad has put me under his tutelage. I'm very excited to introduce Erin and Frye to this place when they are able to come and visit me! YAY! Anyways here are a couple of things I've been reading.

Tank Girl: The Gifting (Tank Girl)

Alan C. Martin

This is a continuation of the original comic book made in the early 90's. So far it is pretty awesome, and the character has definitely matured over the years. I'm still reading the gifting, and so far it's a pretty crazy collection of shorts. They are new characters, but I'm pretty sure most of you will be glad that she is still going out with Booga. Hurray for love.

DMZ. Guy at the comic book store suggested this one to me, I will start reading it tonight if I have time. Yay!

DMZ Vol. 1: On the Ground

Brian Wood

He recommended it to me after I told him I was interested in reading the rest of Pax Romana. He didn't havethe comic book with him, but he said he would order it for me. He said it be two weeks. I'm anxious.





ALSO!!! I bought one of these for cheap! At the same comic book store! I will start collecting these by the way. So if you find any of these in your travels I will be forever grateful to you.

Carina_vynil_toy

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